Where had the time gone?
Always seen in a matching outfit and blue Velcro shoes, she was a colorful person – someone who could make you smile no matter what. She loved her trinkets, the little treasures she would pick up from time to time, rescuing them from secondhand stores and giving them a new home. Her house was always filled with them, ornaments of different styles, colors and themes. Together you would never find them very similar but she would always find a way to make them all look as though they belonged together.
She was selfless, kind, smart and very witty, constantly taking jabs at you in hopes of laughter and smiles. One of her favorite things were her games – dice, scrabble, cards, those sorts of games – and of course, her movies and TV shows.
Never a bad thing to say about anyone and in love with any and all kinds of birds she had been the kindest, most wonderful Gramma you could ever ask for. She always made you feel truly loved. It simply radiated off of her.
Growing up, Joy had found peace in her Gramma’s embrace, in her smile, her laughter and her eyes. She had never felt more at home than with her grandparents.
But now she was gone. Not lost forever, no. Only waiting somewhere for Joy until the day they would meet again in that far-off place.
Four years and it still stung. People told her it would get better over time and, in a sense, it does, she supposed.
The loss of someone you love leaves a hole in you heart, in your very being. You never truly understand how much someone affects your life until they are gone and all that they offered, their support, encouragement, embraces or even something as small as their smile, are missing from your everyday life. Sometimes it happens in the blink of an eye and other times it takes time, but whichever it is it doesn’t make it any different.
You carve a specific place in your heart for each person you love. As they earn your trust you carve deeper into yourself and place them there and once that person is gone, everything you stored of them in that space disappears, evaporating like dew on a sunny summer morning, and you are left with only the space.
Most people call it a hole, an emptiness inside, and, in part, that is exactly what it is. Over time, others will fill the emptiness, but the truth is that it will never truly be filled again, not to the tippy top, because each person you love adds their own special something, their own secret ingredient that you can’t find in anyone else.
And that is why, no matter how much time passes, months, years, decades or even a lifetime, you will never stop missing individual people – because they were unique and you loved them in a unique way.
You will never stop missing someone and though the pain may dull through the years, it will never truly go away.
All you can do is remember the good times, think of the times you shared, the memories you made, and all of the times they made you laugh or smile. The times when there was nothing special going on, but you were with that person and that made it a special day anyways. Store those special moments in your heart and they will remain there forever as though that person left their footprint on your heart, never to be erased. Remember the moments you shared together and cherish the spontaneous smiles and small chuckles they bring even now, even as tears slip over your cheeks.
Cherish the person they were and the time you had together because no matter how much time passes you can never lose the time you had with them.
“I miss you so much, Gramma,” Joy whispered into her pillow, “We all do and it’s not easy with you not here, but we’re managing. I think of your smile and your sense of humor and of all the time we had together, all the times we shared and I am so thankful for the time we had. For every single moment we were given. I know I will see you again one day and that makes me happy. I love you.” She smiled as a single tear escaped her eye. “Love your little angel.”
And with that Joy rolled over and went to sleep.