As of late I have been struggling with change in my life. There are so many things that are changing lately, especially since graduation, and it’s really strange. I feel like my life is alien, unknown and bizarre, like I’m living someone else’s life. And I fight for it not to change. I fight hard every day trying to make my life the same as it was, repeating the same tasks, watching the same movies and reading the same books in hopes of feeling as happy as the girl I see in the pictures around my home.
I look at her and I see how bright her smile is. Her face is clear and happy, her eyes sparkling and swimming with joy. Even the way she holds herself is strange to me, her back held straight and yet, somehow she looks relaxed in her stance, at ease. She looks beautiful and I find myself wishing I could be like her, wishing I could look like her, have her confidence and her ability to take life one day at a time.
I’m the same person, but I’m not. It’s like I’m a photocopy of my real self, faded around the edges and darker than the original. Why is a photocopy always darker? Time has changed me. Experiences have shaped me and somehow through it all I’ve lost touch with myself, with the real me. That’s why, once or twice a week I find my eyes wandering towards my picture frames, studying the girl in those pictures and wishing with everything I have that she could teach me to find happiness in the simple things, tell me her secrets of happiness and share with me a life of simplicity and joy.
Photo credit to curlsdiva @ morguefile.com